Friday, November 18, 2011

Empty Nesting

I didn't know what else to do, but just come in here and write down what I'm feeling.  This empty-nesting is for the birds ~ what a statement, for real!!  You know, I wanted my girls to find great guys - men with passion for life, fire and spit, guys who make them melt and their knees buckle.  Daughter #1 has found that kind of fella and has already flown from my coop.  My gal with imagination and drive, left me holding the glue gun and tinsel to figure it out for myself. 

Daughter #2, might have found that fella with the fire (that's yet to be seen).  They just left for the evening, headed out around the pond and on up through the woods out to the main road.  I watched until I couldn't see anymore lights.  My horsey girl who gets under my skin has taken her sweet time, and low and behold has found her a fella and he has taken my place in the barn. Go figure....

I put on my 70's music that THEY had to help me load on all these IPODS, and mini things and wires and such, but I got it going.  I thought it would lift my spirits.  I'm waiting on hubby to come home so we can eat this spaghetti meal.  Daughter #1 and boyfriend are coming by to eat a little too.  I was telling her how empty I was feeling and she just thought this was a hoot.  It's very unlike me to feel like I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I do.  I could get started on holiday cleaning this evening.  It looks like Santa came and all the reindeer made a bee-line through every floor in this house and kicked things everywhere on their way out.

I'm thinking I'll just pour myself a little glass of vino and watch the pretty fire and listen to Eric Clayton, Neil Young.. somebody I know the words to.  I remember when they were little girls and I just wanted some time to myself.  How I wished for a babysitter to please just come for a while and I would run around like a chicken with its head cut off running errands - just trying to stay caught up.  

With this new guy taking up my precious daughter's time and me getting the boot, it's just a weird feeling, like I've lost touch with her.  How do you Moms before me do this?  I really don't like this.  Is it about control issues??

Did you know there are just tons of information on "empty nesting" out there.  I googled it just to see what was going on with it and WOW ~ support groups, blogs, help lines, OMG!  I'm not at that point - it's just tonight it feels different.  It's the creepy silence.  We are a loud family when we're together- sometimes organized, but more often unorganized, chaos. Everyone speaks at once, dogs are trying to get in on it, etc.  I know I'll figure it out, but a quiet house is very different house. 
                                                      Thanks for your ear this evening ~ Debi


  1. Debi,
    I am not exactly in the place you are right now, but I have a daughter who will be 18 in a few months and I have already been having these odd feelings of despair because I know she will probably set out on her life journey. We are very close and I dread her leaving home. I hope that I'm not one of those mothers who will need the support group. I do want my kids to have a life of their own, with families of their own. This is unchartered territory for us both, but I believe we will be alright!

  2. I can hear your hurting heart in these words. I have had an empty nest for quite awhile but it is very strange when it first happens. - We pour ourselves into our family and our identities become 'them' for so many years and somewhere along the line we lose sight of who we are. This is the time when you have to push yourself a bit just like you had to push your children to do things you knew would be good for them. It is hard to realize that when they leave, we have worked very hard to prepare them to do that very thing...ugh, that really hurts huh? We did such a good job teaching them how to be strong and self reliant that they actually....left us! - Never fear because they always come back and visit and call and call and ask questions and get married and bring new babies and call some more, and on and on it goes. - Remeber something that you love to do and start doing it, even if it is just a small thing, but keep on doing it until you finally start seeing a glimps of yourself. - email me any time if you need to talk. xxoo

  3. I was heartbroken when all three of them left. I envied those mothers that clapped their hands and hollered yes. It took some time, but they will come back with laundry etc. and then husbands, wives and grandkids. Your routine will be shot, the house will look like a tornado came through and secretly, you'll be glad after they've left.

  4. Hang in there..that's what the horses are for, right :)

  5. I can relate. Thought I was prepared but I am not. I never expected to be a stay at home Mom but ended up that way because of all the moving we did with my husband's job. I sometimes wonder if this would have been easier if I had kept my career? Anyway, I understand!!!

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  7. Well, I just never suffered the pangs that some mothers feel when they become an empty nester. I adore doing things that I WANT TO DO, so guess I am not the one you are seeking advice from. You must have some passion for something... or a few things... go do them! Want noise in the house? Buy a parrot! Crank up the music as loud as it will go. Find a crazy girlfriend and go do things with her. Take up painting, crafting, become a shopaholic, become an alcoholic *no, don't do that* Paint, write, knit, ride a horse, buy a dog, learn to weave rugs, etc... and the list goes on and on. There's absolutely no reason to feel badly about being an empty nester.

  8. Sherri B. pretty much expressed my sentiments. It was an extremely difficult time for me when my son left home, and I found I actually had to gain a new identity and push myself hard to find my passion. For me, it was returning to school.

  9. So much has already been said...
    I am thinking of you and know how you feel. I've been an emptynester for 10 yrs. now, but I sure miss the fun that having my children around brought. I sure got to know my husband a lot better!

  10. I feel like I wrote this post! And that I was the only one that dreaded the Empty Nest Syndrome {see...there is a name for it, too}. I was a mess before my youngest went away to college. For months before she left I cried and worried...about myself, but I had to cover it up so she wouldn't think I was holding her back. She lasted at school for the first semester and then came home, homesick. She now goes to a university near our home. I don't have to worry about where she is or if she's happy and I have all the good old noise again.

    But...there will be a day when they are all gone. Oldest son is leaving next week to rent an apartment of his own, he has been staying with us for almost a year. I really have mixed feelings about him the company, hate the mess.

    My other daughter is engaged and stays at her boyfriend's home overnight but still hasn't really left home. He lives with his parents still, so although she is welcome, she has one foot out and one in. In a way I feel she has left home, this is where she showers.

    To make a long story's not easy but you will never really be alone. And I had to create a mindset, focus on what I wanted to do with my free time. With 4 kids, there is always someone coming or going and I sometimes do wish I could lock the door and take a nap. What ever you do, don't feel like you are the only one who feels this way. We raised them and we can't let go overnight. After the newness of being on their own, I think they also start to miss the familiarity of home and good old mom.

    I hope this helps, I didn't mean to ramble! lol!


  11. I never really felt the empty nest problem...I always just looked at it as a job well done on our part. It was just the natural progression of the way it was supposed to be...they are never far from my heart though. I read your comment on the occupy wall street thing...we are self-employed as builders and believe me our jobs are almost non-existant. But I feel like you if need be I would be the best burger flipper there ever was!

  12. Empty nesting is for the birds, that is why I keep chickens! Let me say it does become easier, but darn if I don't miss the days of having little boys under foot! Blessings from Maine, Julie.

  13. I hadn't thought about how I did used to yearn for a moment alone-especially in the bathroom. I love your honest and feel you pain. Good luck.